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Rupture and Repair With Your Child

Jan 18
3 min

Rupture and Repair With Your Child

Our children lead us to places inside of us that have not been fully processed. Places within us where trauma is unresolved. When they hit certain ages and stages of development, they will activate unworked trauma in a parent from that stage. To me, this is both painful and such a gift to get to meet these places in myself on deeper levels. 🙇‍♀️❤️ The place for me that gets incredibly activated and triggered in my relationship with Anaiya is when I feel she’s not listening

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Co-regulation with a Tree

Oct 26, 2022
2 min

Co-regulation with a Tree

After a fun time at the park, Anaiya knew it was time to leave. She’s really into her scooter lately and had ridden it there. She now wanted to ride it over the grass. I reminded her that on the grass it didn’t ride smoothly and it might feel hard. In that moment, in her world, this was devastating news. She started sobbing. Typically she wants to be held but this time she ran off. She kept running until she stopped at a tree. She reached out to this tree with her hand and th

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Holding Healthy Masculine as a Mother

Oct 19, 2022
2 min

Holding Healthy Masculine as a Mother

The healthy masculine holds an agenda free container for the arising dynamism of the feminine. Let me be clear here, that I’m not referring to men and women, or gender or sex. I’m speaking to the energetics that divine masculine (yang) and divine feminine (yin) contain. I believe we all are the holy union of these two polarities, regardless of what gendered body we choose. ☯️ One of the awakened qualities of the masculine is a container. One that is not stagnant, but ever-pre

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Soaking in Those Quiet Moments

Dec 16, 2020
1 min

Soaking in Those Quiet Moments

The stillness of my child as she sleeps, matching the calm from the snowy blanket on the land. As the external quiets, I’m able to tune back into my inner landscape... and simply listen. These are the moments that truly keep me connected to Source and support me to parent from a place of responsiveness and love, rather than reactivity and impatience. Self-care is not a luxury as a mama, but a key part in thriving, for us both. And while it may not be as long as I might like,

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Empowering Choices

Dec 2, 2020
1 min

Empowering Choices

Blueberries or bananas? Would you like to walk, or have me carry you? This shirt or that one? “That one” she delightedly exclaims as she picks the one in my left hand. Such a simple moment but a poignant moment of choosing. Reaffirming to her that she’s the co-author of her life. And has been since she was born (well, actually in utero, I was deeply listening to her then too). As the neural pathways in her brain begin to develop, and ego identity continues to grow she knows

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Another New Phase of Development

Nov 5, 2020
5 min

Another New Phase of Development

Once again, Anaiya has hit a new phase of development. I notice there’s an adjustment period to these shifts as more independence is emerging in her. And it’s timed with me returning to seeing clients more full-time. As I’m spending more time away from her, I notice I’m tasting what feels like freedom that I haven’t had in these past 18 months. And it feels good! Not only is she moving into more independence, but so is her mama. An aspect of me has been so hungry for this and

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Anaiya Turns One and a Half!

Oct 12, 2020
3 min

Anaiya Turns One and a Half!

Anaiya just turned one and a half. In baby age this feels significant. She’s shifted into 18 month old clothes and shoes. But beyond the physical growth what’s got my attention is this next phase of her personality coming online, especially through verbal communication. We’ve been in a symbiotic non-verbal communication since she was born (and in the womb). I can read her body and energy and usually know what she needs. Her facial expressions and reaching and pointing speak v

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Getting Current

Sep 9, 2020
3 min

Getting Current

I’ve been in a practice called Elimination Communication with Anaiyana. From two weeks after she was born, I began paying attention to her elimination cues, responding to them by holding her over the sink and making a “psssst” sound as she peed and pooped. This practice supports her in her body awareness as well as deepening our communication and her feeling my responsiveness and honoring of her needs. She’s been consistently peeing in the sink for many months, as I hold her

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Preverbal Communication with Love and Respect

Aug 14, 2020
3 min

Preverbal Communication with Love and Respect

I am continually in awe of the channels of communication occurring between my child and I. Yes, she exists in a small human body, but her consciousness is anything but tiny. I speak to my daughter believing that we can communicate and she will understand. I treat her with respect and the awareness that while she is re-learning this human experience, her consciousness exists eternally. Recently, she began the habit of twiddling one nipple with her little fingers while nursing

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Family Rituals on the River

Jul 4, 2020
2 min

Family Rituals on the River

This was such a special time together, celebrating new life growing inside of my sister’s womb. Our trip to the Yuba last month was spectacular. Hiking everyday with Anaiya strapped to my back, and Jennie’s dog Sunny at our feet, keeping our pack together, finding our perfect secluded beach at the shores of these glorious waters. Splashing, swimming, floating, drifting, we joyfully played all day in the full summer river. What a time to connect in with her growing baby, find

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Re-Union with Love (A poem)

May 13, 2020
1 min

Re-Union with Love (A poem)

Love comes knocking at my door. Go away! You’re too light Too playful Too easeful I must face the shadows with a fine tooth comb I must plunge the depths And feel I am working hard To meet myself Ahh I see, says love These are the ways you’ve been taught. I applaud your courage, To even have the willingness And desire to uncover. To peer beneath the dark rocks And engage with the dirt The worms The bugs The maggots The muck But I ask you when you do this With what eyes are yo

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Transitions (A Poem)

Apr 18, 2020
3 min

Transitions (A Poem)

Snow blankets the ground Perhaps our final Colorado springtime dump The bright blue skies and piercing sun lapping up the The white covering Determined to guide the spring to bloom Transitioning snow to water To bring forth new life It’s quiet here No planes in the sky Except for one small private jet A recreational voyage The whir of its motor Cracking across the silent sky The geese have mated Resting in pairs Waiting for their offspring to arrive calling across the pon

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Anaiya's First Birthday

Apr 13, 2020
2 min

Anaiya's First Birthday

No one could possibly explain to me the amount of love I would feel for my child. It’s a love that grows continuously, my heart often swelling as more love cascades through me as our connection blossoms. I loved being pregnant and didn’t want it to end. I remember my wise friend, who has two children of her own, mischievously smiling at me while I was pregnant, like she was sitting on the best kept secret. A secret that would only be revealed once I birthed my baby. And I ge

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Mothering Through Unprecedented Times

Apr 5, 2020
5 min

Mothering Through Unprecedented Times

Almost a year later from when this precious angel decided to bless us Earthbound, I’m reminded of our first forty days at home with her. It was quite similar to this time of shelter in place. Homebound and simple, while being in the discovery of who this being was. She’s obviously way more active a year later! She’s on the verge of walking and relishing in exploring everything. I get to witness her experiencing her body, her senses, her sounds, her environment, and her desire

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10 Months Out of the Womb

Feb 27, 2020
3 min

10 Months Out of the Womb

The human gestation period is early compared to other mammals. Many other mammals are birthed ready stand and locomote. Not humans. They are born so completely dependent on their mamas. They very much need to be held often to support their body and brain development. This is the marsupial phase of postpartum. They need lots of skin to skin time so they can regulate their nervous system to their caregivers. This deep dependance allows for gradual independence in natural timing

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I Want My Body and Life Back

Feb 14, 2020
5 min

I Want My Body and Life Back

I want my body and my life back. That’s how I feel in this moment. The constant grabbing at my boobs to nurse or hanging on my body. Not wanting to be put down or held. So begins the agitation cycle between my baby and I. No one started it, no one is causing it deliberately, but wow, does it feed on itself. Lately my nervous system feels super sensitive and jagged and when Anaiya is in a phase of wanting and needing to feed throughout the night to help her sleep and grow, I n

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The Innate Intelligence That We Are

Feb 8, 2020
3 min

The Innate Intelligence That We Are

Witnessing Anaiya learn to trust her body wisdom in new ways. We moved into a new home this month with a full flight of stairs. Anaiya has never seen or explored stairs before or seen any baby climb stairs before. She crawled up to them and immediately reached her arms up to crawl up them. One by one she climbed up, effortlessly using the wisdom of her body. When she reached the top, I could feel her satisfaction. But she didn’t stop there. She turned around and peered down a

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Healthy Integration Into the Community

Jan 8, 2020
4 min

Healthy Integration Into the Community

I’ve been going dancing on Sunday mornings to Movement Mass (one of Boulder’s ecstatic dance jams) with Anaiyana since she was about 3 months old. Ear muffs on and popped into her baby carrier, I move with her close to my body. Often there are friends there every week who she has begun to recognize and happily let’s them hold her while I dance, as well as my beloved who also eagerly carries her so I can get some baby-free dance on. On New Year’s Day we went to the dance and s

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The Return of My Moon Blood

Dec 24, 2019
3 min

The Return of My Moon Blood

My moon blood returned last week. A friend asked me if this feels like the end of my postpartum time. I noticed feeling such sadness in that question, not totally ready for it to be done. This baby time has been so precious. I’ve been fully aware it will not last forever and I’ve savored all of it. Even the moments of overwhelm and frustration. This phase of babyhood is so sacred, witnessing and supporting Anaiya finding her way again as a human. It’s felt so natural to attun

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Putting Herself To Sleep

Dec 14, 2019
2 min

Putting Herself To Sleep

Typically, my nighttime routine consists of nursing my baby, often bouncing her on my mini rebounder (a total must have for new mamas!). This has been what’s worked for her as the rocking and feeding guide her into a peaceful slumber. And now, with her natural timing developing more and more each day, a new way is emerging. We get in bed together and she’ll usually nurse first and then, as I lay with her, she flops her body all around. She’ll sit up and then lay down and the

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