Updated: Sep 25, 2022
Almost a year later from when this precious angel decided to bless us Earthbound, I’m reminded of our first forty days at home with her. It was quite similar to this time of shelter in place. Homebound and simple, while being in the discovery of who this being was. She’s obviously way more active a year later! She’s on the verge of walking and relishing in exploring everything. I get to witness her experiencing her body, her senses, her sounds, her environment, and her desires and curiosities. Choosing to respond rather than react to her movements and needs (by keeping my nervous system regulated).
I’m reflecting on my choice to be home with her when she first arrived. It was a time to honor a new rhythm, to build deep intimacy with this new human, to allow her to gently ease her way into this world, and let my body nourish and recover from birth. Eliminating outside stimulation and input so I could pour my love, presence, attunement and full attention onto what and who was here now; what was needed now.
We didn’t leave the house except for some slow walks outside. We didn’t get in the car for six weeks. No external stimulus was forced upon her fresh, earthly body. Her first time outside I took her to nature and placed her feet on the ground, welcoming her to this planet, initiating her connection to Gaia before taking her to a store. And this felt right. I didn’t know this was how those first weeks would unfold but I was listening and letting the emergent wisdom guide me.
I notice myself in a similar practice now, being with what’s here now. Staying conscious to ways I’m choosing to let social media, disclosure theories, and the unreliable news distract me from what truly matters. Watching what emotional and head space it puts me into. I’m paying attention to what feels good, and where and how I want to place my attention and awareness. Allowing waves of deep emotion to move through me when they arise, crying or screaming if I need to, and utilizing my spiritual and emotional practices to stay present and clear in this unprecedented time on the planet.
As I rested and pulsed with my new baby I was very much living in the unknown. Discovering how to best mother this precious being. I’d never done it before and didn’t have the past to rely on for what was here now. Allowing one unfolding moment to guide me to the next. Letting presence be my faithful ally and guide.
I find myself in a similar place now, in this most uncertain of times, not only with the continual emerging relationship with my sweet girl, but now also with our planet. Woah. I’ve never been here before. We as a species have never been here before. And that’s perfectly ok. Exciting, actually.
If I let my mind try to lead what’s emerging I’m missing this most sacred of times. This time to not need to know. This time to enjoy simple walks in nature, and deepening in my intimate connection, with myself, my inner world, my child’s world, my beloveds world, and Mother Earth herself and all her beautiful children and creatures, all of them interwoven, like the interdependency that we truly are.
What if we don’t need to know what’s going to happen? What if we’re not meant to know yet.
When Anaiya was born, I knew her on a Soul level, but I didn’t know her yet on a relational and personality level. That continues to reveal itself throughout our sustained connection. Emerging from something that didn’t exist in this form before she was born. Just like now on the planet. We’re in something that has never existed before. Can we meet it with the fresh eyes of a newborn, with care and curiosity, or the delicious intimacy of a lover, discovering them with intrigue. Can we treat this time with sacredness and reverence for all?
What if this is a time to reconnect, to remeet ourselves and our connection to our fellow humans as well as the natural world. To re-emerge into connection with one another in new and unknown ways.
My life slowed down so much this past year. Down-shifting into a tempo that served the pacing needs of a newborn, into baby, and now into wobbler and almost toddler. Yes, she’s moving faster now, but it doesn’t mean my nervous system needs to. I move at the pace where I can stay present to her needs, and mine.
"I move at the pace where I can stay present to her needs, and mine."
I feel grateful that this planetary pause isn’t an abrupt halt to my rhythm. That moving in aligned timing and right action are familiar to me so that I am responsive instead of reactive, to my baby, and the continual changes in the world.
In this time of great unknown can we remember how to rest into relationship with the great Mystery? Can we get comfortable with one moment leading to the next and then to the next? Can it be a time that’s replenishing and restorative, allowing our minds to relax and find a tempo that also includes our bodies and spirit? Can we get ok with beingness?
We come into this world in an open state of beingness, soft, receptive and resilient. Our natural state is relaxed and responsive. Our needs our so simple, immediate, and clearly expressed.
I can’t help but wonder in this moment, where external stimulus is greatly reduced on a global level, can we remember our innate state of well being, refinding our more inherent rhythm once again with the natural world that we are? Perhaps the Great Mother is asking us to remember. Asking her children to pause and rediscover their way back to the Source that always cares for us, back to our innate ground of well being that is always holding and caring for us as we feel the feels we need to experience.
I recognize that my mind can lead me in so many different directions. Into fear, into furry, finger pointing, helplessness, and into excitability and irritability. This is one of the aspects of the mind. But feeling my mind as a beautiful part of the whole, helps me deepen into a much vaster state of grace and love. This is where I can feel my innate well-being, our innate okness, no matter what.
So in this time of great unknown, can we begin to re-attune to our place in the natural order of things? I witness my baby in this relaxed state of wonder, following her emerging desires and needs, fully in the now. Syncing up with her nests me, like a Russian doll, in the grace and flow, that we all are.
The Mystery is our most beloved ally, when we allow it.