My moon blood returned last week. A friend asked me if this feels like the end of my postpartum time. I noticed feeling such sadness in that question, not totally ready for it to be done. This baby time has been so precious. I’ve been fully aware it will not last forever and I’ve savored all of it. Even the moments of overwhelm and frustration. This phase of babyhood is so sacred, witnessing and supporting Anaiya finding her way again as a human. It’s felt so natural to attune to and care for her.
The second month of her being Earthbound, my moon cycle came back and it felt waaaay too soon. I asked my body if we could wait a little longer. And it did.
Now, I've been feeling ready for it come back and asking my body for it to return. I feel ready to have a sense of my own cycle and my body’s rhythms enveloping back into our rhythms. And it does feel like it signifies a transition into a new phase of us. What that phase will be is to be revealed. Perhaps a new phase of independence. That’s for certain.
My moon returning feels like my body signaling recovery from pregnancy and birth. A readiness to make new life (if I were to choose that). I feel it signifying an aspect of me coming back home to me.
"My moon returning feels like my body signaling recovery from pregnancy and birth. A readiness to make new life (if I were to choose that). I feel it signifying an aspect of me coming back home to me."
I’ve given all of me to this precious being, and I continue to. She’s still mostly nursing as she explores new flavors and foods in her hands. It sometimes makes it to her mouth and down her throat. While she still uses my milk as her primary nourishment, she doesn’t have to. Which means my body is mining perhaps just a bit less to give her the nutrients she needs. For a few months postpartum, around age 5-7 months, my body felt pretty depleted, like it couldn’t give anything more. My hair was falling out and my joints were aching even with eating a super nutrient dense diet.
This past month, I have felt a shift again where my body feels more nourished. So as my moon cycle returns, this signifies to me that my body is nourished enough to bleed and ovulate again.
And this first bleed feels like a shedding of this postpartum phase. A release of what is no longer needed. In sync with this potent final full moon of this decade. Anaiya is almost in the world as long as she was in my belly. In three weeks that’ll be so. And so this does feel like a significant transition for me. Her system fortified and beautifully adjusting to life as a human.
Full of curiosity, long eye gazes, laughter and contentment. Of expressing her needs and desires through sounds and body movement. Of enjoying more moments of independent play and exploration. Of satisfaction in locomoting herself and sheer delight in pulling herself to standing. We have an ease of connection that is full of peace inside of chaos and chaos inside of peace. The perfect paradox of relationship.
And so as my body sheds, I once again face into the unknown of this next phase welcoming the continual wisdom of the Mystery as my master revealing what’s here now for me, and for we.
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