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Preverbal Communication with Love and Respect

Updated: Sep 26, 2022


I am continually in awe of the channels of communication occurring between my child and I. Yes, she exists in a small human body, but her consciousness is anything but tiny. I speak to my daughter believing that we can communicate and she will understand. I treat her with respect and the awareness that while she is re-learning this human experience, her consciousness exists eternally.


Recently, she began the habit of twiddling one nipple with her little fingers while nursing on the other boob. This shifted from cute to irritating pretty quickly for me. Her forefinger and thumb twirling away, using my nipple as a way to practice her pincher grasp. Ouchie! One evening, while bathing together she began doing this again as she nursed. I promptly took her hand off of my boob and gently but very firmly shared with her that this was not ok with me. She locked eyes with me and intently listened to what I was sharing as I explained that it hurt my body. As the words settled, her eyes remained constant with mine. She tucked her head down slightly in a subtle acknowledgement of hearing me. I could actually feel her moment of remorse. It wasn’t huge and she didn’t go into shame. She just fully absorbed my words and energy and allowed it to sink into her comprehension. This moment lasted for maybe 10-15 seconds and then we shifted into smiling. She popped her mouth back onto my breast and her other hand, palm open gently caressed across my chest. Not once did her fingers try to grasp at my nipple.


It’s been a month since this conversation and every time we nurse since then she’s never twirled my nipples again. She still likes to place her hand on my other boob but it’s always with a soft open touch. I did something similar with her when she was 6 months old and began chomping my nipples with her new teeth. She didn’t stare back at me that time but she heard me and never bit my boobs again. Our conversations occurred in a space of mutual respect and love. I truly believe this is the way we can communicate with our babies and children. Giving them so much more credit than often is believed of how much they truly understand.


"Our conversations occurred in a space of mutual respect and love. I truly believe this is the way we can communicate with our babies and children. Giving them so much more credit than often is believed of how much they truly understand."

I have felt the presence and consciousness of Anaiyana’s essence long before she came into form. I honor all the lives she has lived before this one in this current developing baby body. Approaching her with the assumption that she can understand creates a continual flow of deepened connection and communication. The same way I would speak to an adult with mutuality and respect. I do not feel the need to talk down to her just because she doesn’t have the verbal communication yet. She is a fully sentient being carrying the intelligence and wisdom of eons expanding beyond this growing human body. We all are love.





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