With New Life Also Comes Death.
Updated: Sep 15, 2022
We need to honor the cycles of completion to allow new beginnings. My scorpionic nature lives in these waters, and it’s how I see pregnancy. Not only are new identities for mama and papa emerging, but old identities are dying simultaneously. Today I supported a couple, honoring this process. Giving space to grieve certain aspects of the relationship that would no longer be. We can put focus on all the wonder and joy of bringing in life, and it’s definitely a time to celebrate, but what if the celebration also acknowledged what’s needing to be honored and released so that the fullness of becoming parents can fully occur? As I sat with this couple, they each named the things they were already missing in their partnership. The woman has had an intense first trimester, with daily purging, nausea, and dizziness. She hasn’t been able to give to her partner in the ways they are both used to. And it’s been a hard dynamic for them both to adjust to so quickly. Not only is she not able to support him in the ways they’re used to, she is also needing more support. And while both want to embrace this new dynamic, acknowledging how different it feels from before is what helps in getting consciously current with what’s needed now. I witnessed her fears of feeling useless, hitting a deeper wound in her of her own worthiness if she’s not giving. She’s getting to feel her partner's love on a deeper level as she freshly imprints that her worth is not in her doing. They also grieved the loss of freedom and spontaneity, of her body no longer being just hers and her not understanding what her body is now; the needing to move at a slower pace now and not being able to push through physically. We pulled a dead leaf off of the plant in the room, symbolizing this death process. As the leaf was plucked, it no longer pulled life force from the plant but instead got to be given back to the earth to recycle and compost. The plant can then direct its vitality towards new growth. This is the same process that occurs when we become parents. Choosing to meet it with conscious awareness and presence allows us to understand the process on a deeper, more holistic level. This baby growing in her womb is asking their mama to land into more beingness and less doing. They are inviting her to start this process now instead of being confronted by it when they’re born. This will be a pattern and growth edge she will continue to meet throughout parenthood. And it starts with pregnancy, and even before pregnancy in the conception process. Her first trimester is challenging her to grow in the ways the baby wants. To grow into the soul of the mama they chose. It takes deep listening and presence to meet the challenges from a more holistic view. If she continued to try to ignore or push away what was showing up, in her case, she’d vomit more. As this couple chooses to consciously look at what’s showing up, the deeper patterns and growth edges reveal themselves, and they begin to come into greater coherence with who this incoming soul is asking them to be for them.
"Everything is on purpose. And the relationship between child and parent is templated during pregnancy."
As the energies wanting to die and release were named and emotions released, the field between the couple began to lighten and opened them to a vaster understanding of what’s really going on. Everything is on purpose. And the relationship between child and parent is templated during pregnancy. As she is choosing to listen deeply to her child in utero, she is honoring their needs. This also includes choosing not to find out the sex. She’s recognizing the part of her that doesn’t trust the mystery and wants to find out, but that her greater growth edge is to continue to surrender into the unknown and shift into comfort and communion with the unknown. So she’s choosing not to find out the sex as another moment to truly honor what’s being asked of her inside of this pregnancy. As she builds this relationship now, before the child is here in the physical, then during those moments inside of parenting, she will already have this pathway grooved and accessible. I love supporting women to return to trusting their own inner guidance, their communion with the Mystery, and their feminine wisdom that is non linear and honors a different intelligence. One that is in communion with the whole, and is the emergent, ever unfolding pulse of life. The purity of this Being is alchemizing all incongruent layers and fields as it travels earthside so that they can be fully received by their parents, transmuting anything that is discordant along the way to be fully met, seen, and received. They chose parents who are courageously meeting the places in themselves to be this congruent, safe landing ground for them to fully incarnate. While it may seem hard to do, ultimately this makes the journey of parenting have an even deeper, fuller truer bond with child as they can fully be here.
Big love and delight, Mandalena