Transitioning into more autonomy.
Throughout this fourth trimester, Anaiya’s first three months in this world, we’ve mostly been skin to skin, with her on my body, our creature bodies in close contact. Yes, we do put on clothes when we engage with the outside world, and I love returning to our natural naked selves when we’re back home. She was skin to skin inside of me for many months in the womb, so having her bare skin against mine, as she’s fresh in this world, feels right for us. I’m interested in easing her transition into this larger world. Also, I find this so much easier with all the fluids coming out of both of us. Spit ups, pees, poops and leaky breasts means more body washing and less clothes cleaning.
"I’m interested in easing her transition into this larger world."
As we’ve approached the end of the fourth trimester there’s been a natural shift in me needing some more autonomy, and Anaiya naturally becoming more comfortable with herself.
Today was a big day. Anaiya was laying on the bed after I’d just dressed her to get ready for a hike. I was moving around the room getting myself dressed, brushing my teeth, and putting in my contacts. I noticed how content she was just hanging out on the bed by herself. She could still feel me in the room. I watched as she enjoyed sucking on her hand and eventually... fell asleep. This was a first! I didn’t actually pick her up to go hike, instead I enjoyed being with my own body as she rested.
A couple weeks ago I felt how my holding her all the time, and bouncing her to sleep, was not going to last forever. It couldn’t. I got curious what this shift would look like. I started putting her in her swing while still interacting with her, picking her back up when she wanted. I was simply introducing her to what it feels like to be off my body, while I’m still with her.
Her trust and safety with me has been deeply established and she now feels secure to lay on her own and fall asleep. This is not because I forced her to learn how to self-soothe but because we’re in a conversation, and I’m listening to what’s needed. It’s been an easeful and peaceful transition, and all in its natural timing. I’m needing to feel a bit more autonomy, and she is building her capacity to not need to be on my body to fall asleep. No big cries, or forcing her to learn how to self-soothe.
I’m continually reminded not to look beyond the horizon, but be with exactly what’s ahead. The next step presenting itself. The organic unfolding that we are. As her trust of me is now secure, she feels safe to fall asleep on her own. Of course! It’s the natural progression in its perfect timing. She is taking responsibility for her own transition into rest.
"As her trust of me is now secure, she feels safe to fall asleep on her own. Of course! It’s the natural progression in its perfect timing."
Holding her most of the time during these first three months of her being in this world has offered her the safety and security she needs to naturally feel able to rest peacefully on her own now. I do still enjoy her napping on me in moments too. But now we’ve got options.
When we are out in new environments and new stimulus is introduced, she still wants to be on my body and that feels right to me. Her fresh nervous system, that was regulating off of mine while in the womb, is taking its perfect time to adjust to this larger outer world. My body is still her safe home and we will lengthen the tether together over time, as her nervous system strengthens and fortifies. No pushing or forcing, simply respecting the natural unfolding.