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The Deciding Moment

Updated: Sep 21, 2022

My baby falls asleep I lay her down on her belly And a moment of panic kicks in How long do I have? Is this a cat nap? Or a longer slumber? My mind races through all the things I’d like to do During these precious minutes.

Self care sounds good. I’d love to meditate, Or move my body. But there’s also so many texts I need to respond to, And of course there’s cleaning. How much laundry is there? Can it wait? Can the dishes in the sink Soak a little longer? Do I have to check things off on my to-do? And the clock keeps ticking What will serve my whole being most in this moment?

The freeze in my system Begins to thaw And I realize stillness Will best support the Busyness in my brain. Not more action in this moment. But to just get silent, And still, And resourced, And so I sit. Quietly. Allowing my mind to settle And my heart to open. I rest into the All Merging into Union. Resourcing my whole being As my baby lays in this field of wholeness with me.

The clock keeps ticking But my heart is no longer beating to that arbitrary rhythm. Instead she’s finding her own rhythm, back in sync with The trees And the mountains And the flowers And the ocean, All of Mama Gaia.

And all of eternity Reuniting once again With that which is holding me as I hold my child. For if I’ve lost this thread I could let overwhelm Engulf me. But I’m not interested In feeding my baby with sour breast milk That’s full of Worry And fear And anxiety. And so the cleaning will get done I will return those messages But from a place that’s full. Not full of depletion But full of trust And knowing That all will be done In its perfect timing.

My baby stirs And I feel fulfilled By this moment of writing. Tapping the creative currents of my soul To speak her wisdom Once again.

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