New Paradigm Parenting
"Our new earth children are shining their light of awareness to your places that need tending to because it’s old paradigm parenting" - Mandalena Luz
What is old paradigm parenting? It’s misattunement, top-down parenting, discipline based, authoritarian, inclusive of rewards and punishments. Think of phrases like “children should be seen and not heard”. Or ways in which your own emotions were shut down, ignored or not met and held by your caregivers. Ways that you may have been threatened such as: “I’ll give you something to really cry about." Or told “you’re ok, you shouldn’t be upset.” Some of these practices might feel extreme to you as new earth parents. And for some of you, you may have experienced higher levels of this through physical and emotional abuse in your childhood.
As conscious new earth parents we are pausing, and reflecting on the ways we were parented, and wanting to make new choices.
And these new earth children are requiring, actually, emphatically demanding this of us.
For me sometimes it looks like massive meltdowns from my 3.5 yr old over something that to me seems insignificant. Or the music feeling too loud for her. Lately, the elastic in her waistband is too tight. While a part of me internally is flustered that now she won’t wear all of her fun pants she’s loved, the more awake parent inside of me is pausing to tune in to what she’s needing.
Like so many of our children, my daughter is a high frequency being and part of my intentionality as her guide in this lifetime is to support her to thrive and to remain intact in the qualities of unconditional love, interconnectivity, union, and collaborative power that she came in with.
"Part of my intentionality as her guide in this lifetime is to support her to thrive and to remain intact in the qualities of unconditional love, interconnectivity, union, and collaborative power that she came in with."
I watch in myself when I begin to get weighed down by 3D mundane tasks. And while yes, many of these are necessary for our family system to function, (cooking, cleaning, texting, laundry, etc.), I’m aware of when I’m distracted by them and not actually present with my daughter.
Her highly perceptive system knows, and feels this. And while she’s got moments of actually naming it and asking for my presence, it more often shows up as a big upset, or aggression, or complaining that the music is too loud. What she’s really saying beneath that, is “mama, can you please connect with me?” and “mama, I don’t feel met right now”.
And beneath that, her soul is asking mine, how connected am I right now to a bigger field of love, interconnectivity, play, creativity and joy?
These qualities are what exist in higher frequencies, and I feel them when I’m less weighed down by the anxiety and worry of to-do lists, planning, agenda, distracting on my phone, avoiding my own emotions, and anything that pulls me out of the present moment.
Often times it can seem like we just need to complete a task at hand and then we can be more present with our children. That may be the case, but it’s also important to reflect on ways in which you were parented. Were your emotions met with compassion and empathy? Were your sensitive needs met with curiosity and a parent who’d advocate for them? I know mine weren’t! Was getting things done valued over quality connection time in your family of origin?
Ways in which we were not empathized with, tended to, attuned to, or delighted in, influence how we are with our children. And these shining beacons of light that we birthed or adopted, are asking us to become consciously aware of where the misses happened for us, so that we don’t do that to them.
So, as my daughter must change her pants another time, I reflect on what my mom probably did with me when I had that request, recognizing she didn’t have the time, energy or care that I was uncomfortable because we needed to get out the door. That mattered more.
Or, when my daughter is flopped over on the floor with a huge emotional upset and I’m sitting and being present with her in this upset (while still holding the boundary I gave her about something). I honor my inner girl who didn’t get this kind of presence and unconditional love. Knowing I’m making new choices so that my daughter can know that connection, attunement and her emotional needs, matter.
I’m able to know that the thing she’s crying over or fighting over is really a deeper cry for needing to be held and to feel connected with. Instead of being reprimanded or told she shouldn’t feel that way, I’m making conscious choices to be with her. To hold compassion for her big feels, and a stable container that she can rest into as she finds her way back into co- regulation with me.
My mom, who’s had quite a lot of judgment around my parenting choices said to me one day “Ok, I see the way you’re parenting but it just seems like it takes a lot of patience and presence." Yes, mom that’s exactly what it takes.
If we want our children to actually be the gifts they came here to share, and to truly allow this planetary shift into elevated levels of consciousness to occur, then it starts with us and how we choose to be with this next generation.
Offer them unconditional love, they will radiate this innate knowing out to the world.
Offer them connection, then they will remain intact in their innate knowing of interconnectivity.
Offer them consistent stability, then they will know the world is a safe place to be.
Offer them encouragement, then they will know the world has their back.
Offer them connected play, then they will respond to life with creative response.
Offer them congruency with your energy, emotions, words and actions, then they will trust their inner knowing.
Offer them presence, then they will know they matter.
What is the new paradigm you want meet your children in?
They’re communicating this with us every moment of every day and we just need to make sure our own systems are clear enough to hear them.
Big Love and Delight,