Anaiya crossed a new initiation into this human experience last week. Her first opportunity to strengthen her immune system, as her intelligent body navigated a fever and sickness.
She clung to my body as she traversed worlds, not fully being here. Sleeping lots, when she did open her eyes she seemed so dazed and confused as to what was happening to her. Lacking the energy to move much, her discomfort expressed in cries and soft whimpering and moans as she slept. Her uninhibited body voicing its aches and pains.
I held her to my body for the two days of fever, letting her feel me with her the entire time. Letting her know that sometimes this human experience includes discomfort and confusion. Reassuring her she would move through this and that I was with her, all the way, no matter what.
"I held her to my body for the two days of fever, letting her feel me with her the entire time. Letting her know that sometimes this human experience includes discomfort and confusion."
She wanted to be held close. We were moving through this portal together. And we did just that. There’s nowhere else I would be, and she knows that. Witnessing her little body finding its way back to wellness I just stayed with her, so thankful when her smiles and laughter began to return.
And then it moved into a cough and snot fest, which kept us nesting at home for more days. She wanted to still be kept close to my body, even when she was awake. I felt reminded of the nonstopness of holding her when she was a newborn, feeling both the sweetness and the intensity of barely putting her down. I felt her discomfort in her body, fussier than usual, unable to know what she wanted and reaching for me if she wasn’t on me.
I also feel deep gratitude that I did not take this journey alone and had the support of a dear beloved who helped me out. She was holding me as I held her or giving me a break from holding her.
As she snuggled close to my body using me to resource her sensitive system into recovery, my breasts and body offering her nourishment and restitute amidst the intensity of the nonstopness, I also felt the preciousness and honor of being a place that she could heal inside of, doing my best to stay present to her needs.
I'm so thankful that on Sunday we went to dance. As she was ready again to be out in the world and held by others, I got to move. And move I did! Discharging what I’d been holding as I held her through this intense time. Letting my body find its way back home again to freedom and joy. Shaking, toning, wildly moving, I felt the layers that had been holding her nonstop, both physically and energetically melt off of me nourishing, restoring and resourcing my system once again.
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